


Want you

by AlAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Insecurity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 07:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11100114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlAngel/pseuds/AlAngel
Summary: Request: Hello I love your blog! Idk if you write for the angels but if you do would you mind maybe doing a oneshot where the reader can see balthazars wings and knows it means she is his soulmate but she doesn't tell him because she thinks he deserves better and won't want her. But somehow he eventually finds out, maybe she keeps staring at them or something, and he asks her why she never said and she explains everything and he reassures her? ❤❤





	Want you

Title: Want you  
Pairing: Balthazar x Reader  
Word Count: ~3k  
Warnings: Insecurity  
Request: Hello I love your blog! Idk if you write for the angels but if you do would you mind maybe doing a oneshot where the reader can see balthazars wings and knows it means she is his soulmate but she doesn't tell him because she thinks he deserves better and won't want her. But somehow he eventually finds out, maybe she keeps staring at them or something, and he asks her why she never said and she explains everything and he reassures her? ❤❤  
…  
The first time you saw them they literally took your breath away. You stared at Balthazar like you never saw him before in your life. A pair of beautiful huge wings filled the room behind him. Soft light seemed to radiate of them and a feeling of safety and belonging pulled you towards him. All you wanted this moment was go over there, take him in your arms, let him wrap those wings around you and never let go.   
"Hey, sweetness" The angel in turn had of course caught your staring "What are you looking at?"  
Confused he turned around, tugging his wings away or whatever it was angels did to their wings when they weren't visible. The feeling of belonging stayed however, even with the soft light gone. Shaking your head you tried to push the feeling away, quickly searching the walls for something. In the corner of the room your eyes finally landed on a fat spider. Good enough, you decided before pointing at it.  
"Spider"  
"What hoping for your own personal guardian angel to protect you from the…" Balthazar's eyes followed your finger "Holy hell that's huge."  
His shock made you laugh softly. Balthazar was a very outgoing and pretty damn good with his words. With his accent and silk voice he could charm the pants of any girl. And he certainly didn't lack the motivation to try.   
The two of you had met when you were teaming up with the Winchesters for a while and he was trying to hide all the cool toys he stole from heaven. It had been flirting from minute one with him, even when stuck in a circle of holy fire. At first you were stunned and happy that a thousand year old angel would see you like that. But a bit further down the road of your rocky relationship that turned into border lining something close to friendship now, you figured out flirting was just his way of communication. You weren't special or anything for it. And while he sure meant it when he called you pretty or any other meaningless compliment, he didn't mean it as in he was seriously interested.  
"Are you going to rescue me or what?" you asked still giggling "Because I'm not going near that thing."  
"Would the angel to your rescue earn himself s kiss as a humble reward?" Balthazar wiggled his eyebrows, smirking slightly.   
"You're never humble" was your more or less witty reply before turning away "I'll get Sam to take care of it. He's probably tall enough to reach up without getting chair."  
Usually you met Balthazar's attempts at flirting as long as it was just that. But kissing him would take things too far. You never got over the initial fluttering of heart when you thought he was interested in you. The small feeling had developed into crush over time and now it was too late. You managed to fall head over heels for an angel who flirted with every woman on the planet and who saw you as another conquest if he was even interested in you for that. So no, you wouldn't kiss him because it would mean nothing to him and the world to you.  
"Hey I can handle one tiny huge spider" he protested but you had already turned to leave the bunkers library.   
"Handle it by making sure she won't hide till I get Sam" you called over your shoulder before leaving.  
…  
"(Y/n)?" Cas kind voice appeared next to you as you sat on the bunkers couch, blanket over your legs and body curled up. He stood there awkwardly as you tiredly looked up. It was the middle of the night, the boys were asleep, but sleep wouldn't come despite your tiredness. So you decided to have a one person movie night. Until Castiel decided to show up.  
"Heya Cas" you tried a tired smile.  
"Why are you still awake and…" he closed his eyes, taking something in "sad?"  
"Could you stay out of my feelings?" you hissed pulling the blanket around yourself tighter as if that would protect you against curious angel vibes. Cas was quite a strange angel but you liked him well enough. He had saved Dean all those years ago and you would always be grateful for that.  
"My apologies"  
"Just stay out"  
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked “I gather that's what you humans usually do"  
You smiled at the sweet innocent angel. He really tried to get humans, but deep down you knew you wouldn't live to see him ever really get you – understanding humans would take him another thousand years at least.   
"Cas. I'm not the talking type"   
At your words the angel furrowed his eyebrows in more confusion. Taking pity on him you took your feet of the couch and patted the space next to you. Cas took the offered seat, sighting as if the whole world rested on his shoulders.   
"But you're talking now. How can you not be the talking type?"  
"It's a figure of speech. It means I don't like talking about my problems. I don't like sharing private things." Patiently you explained while thinking of all the things you had never shared with anyone. Your undeniable love for Balthazar was just one of many.  
"So there's something that bothers you?" Cas immediately looked at you in concern. And you understood, whenever the Winchester's weren't sharing their problems someone was probably going to get hurt, most likely it would be one of the self-sacrificing idiots themselves.   
"Yes" you confirmed "But it's not world ending. It's just a private thing."  
"I'm can keep a secret you know" Cas met your eyes. There was so much trust and hope in them, you sighted. Maybe that's what you got from being friends with a baby in a trench coat. Sometimes Cas had an adorable tendency to childlike honesty and curiosity. And even though you had sworn to yourself to never tell a soul about what you saw today, you felt a sudden need to share with Cas.  
"Can you keep it even when it concerns one of your brothers?" you asked and Cas nodded. For a moment you closed your eyes and let your head fall back against the sofa. So moment of truth then.  
"I can see Balthazar’s wings."  
What followed was silence. You hadn't opened your eyes to look at the shock on Cas face that must have surely been there. All you did was wait for a verbal reaction.  
"You know what that means?" he finally asked into the stunned silence. His voice was quieter, calmer than usual.  
"I do"   
"Does he… I mean did you tell him?"   
"No" You heard a soft gasp next to you, which made you finally open your eyes to look at Castiel. There was confusion and shock on his face. But it was different from his I-don't-understand-humans confusion. It was less innocent and more puzzled, maybe a bit sad. "And he can't know"  
"Why?" It was an easy question for him to ask, but so much harder for you to answer. To bring all the things you felt in words. That was one of the reasons you didn't like talking about feelings, sometimes words were just hard. The feeling was there, eating you up, but none of the words in the world could describe it accurately.   
"Because I love him" was the answer you finally settled for. It described your deep longing to be held by Balthazar and to some degree it also covered the feeling of home and belonging from earlier. But what you actually felt was so much more.   
"Aren't humans supposed to be happy when in love?" there was an arm around your shoulders and before you realized you leaned into an angelic shoulders. "(Y/n), you're crying." It was true you now felt the tears quietly running down your cheeks some dropping on his characteristic trench coat.   
"Damn you and your talking about feelings" you mumbled "Look at me Cas. I'm a tiny human with a tendency for bad decisions, a dangerous life style and I have almost Winchester worthy trust issues. I'm not especially pretty and I get insecure about my body. I'm not special. How on earth - or heaven - would a gorgeous and smart angel would want me?"  
"(Y/n)" Cas pulled you a little closer, petting your hair awkwardly - probably again something he saw humans do for comfort, "He's your soulmate..."  
"Exactly" you swallowed "He's stuck with me. If I weren't his soul mate he wouldn't look at me twice - like he's now." You wiped away some if the stray tears with your sleeve, "I don't want to force him into something he wouldn't want. If fate wasn't a bitch, he could have the perfect girl. And as long as he doesn't know he can still have her."  
"You think he'd want someone different?"  
"He could do so much better than me"  
…  
"Having a good day sunshine?" Your favourite angel leaned against the desk where you had your research spread out. There was tons of books regarding the hunt the boys and Cas were currently on, but also one you used for a more personal topic. After your little emotional moment with Cas you decided to read up on the angel human soul mate thing. Because while you knew how rare and unique such soul bonds were you had no idea what it meant. Maybe there was a way of getting rid of it.  
So you got a little unnerved when Balthazar suddenly popped in, you quickly covered the book with some other scrolls before looking up. Again his wings were out stretching and softly glowing. It was one of the most breath taking sights you ever saw while it also broke your heart that you were eventually trying to get rid of the sight and its implications.  
"Books are tons of fun" you said with a sarcastic eye roll. You had no idea what he wanted but you knew he certainly wouldn't have the patience to stick around if he knew you were doing nothing but read.  
"They are" Balthazar's face was serious before he leaned into your personal space with a seductive smile "But I can think of something way more fun we could be doing while the boys are out."  
Your eyes bored into him while you leaned away from his close proxy. "This is important you know?" you snapped more harshly than necessary "The boys are out to safe people, they need this intel. So you go flirt with someone else."  
You send his confused face one last glaring look before getting back to some scroll. Ignoring him would hopefully make him go away.   
But no such luck. "Saving people. Hunting things." The sarcasm in his voice was evident too, "Fine, scoop over and give me some book."  
That made you immediately forget about your attempt at ignoring him. He wanted to do research for the boys he barely liked on a good day? What the hell.  
"Don’t look at me like that" The angel smiled, taking the seat across from you "If you want to have a book club day, I'm sticking around."  
He winked and pulled at some book from your pile. Of course everything came crashing down and you’re at least barley sorted research from before turned into a total mess. You groaned while Balthazar had the decency to at least look guilty.   
"I swear you're trying to make my life difficult" you sounded a lot more done and defeated than some paper chaos was worth and he shot you a funny look. But wasn't it true? Being in love with a gorgeous unattainable angel who was your unwilling soul mate was bad enough, but did he have to be helpful, funny and a flirt as well?   
"So what's this?" while you had been in your depressing thoughts Balthazar had pulled some book out of the pile. His eyes were furrowed in confusion and he looked between you and the book he was holding. "I thought the hunt was about vampire truckies?"  
Suddenly nervous fear got to you, with an uneasy feeling you looked over at what book he was holding. And sure enough it was your soul mate research still open on the page you left it off. You swallowed, not sure what to say. Would he even buy a lie?   
"(Y/n), what is this?" His eyes were now entirely focused on you and you couldn't help but squint a little under his intense look. A sort of soft anger was radiating off him and unnerved you even more. Did he figure it out? Did he just understand how much of a shitty hand fate dealt him when making you his soul mate?  
"Research" you replied not meeting his eyes, "For me. Can we forget you ever saw it and get back to big bad vamps?"  
"You want me to forget you're looking into soul mates? (Y/n), that's a big deal." He tried to sound patient but failed. His voice was strained and a lot of unreadable expressions ran over his face. When you tried to pin down at least one you lifted your head to at least face him again. That's when you noticed his wings were still out, but the glow had dimmed down to some darker tone and the feathers were a little flustered. It was a new look and you couldn't help but staring, taking in every little detail about the majestic sight. You forgot about his face all together for a moment.  
"You can see them, can't you?" Balthazar's voice was suddenly much smaller, his feathers calmed down with a small shiver. But every once in a while a small shiver went through them. You didn't reply, you just stared fascinated at his wings following every twitch and flex of muscle. "(Y/n)…"  
A hand came to tip your jaw his way. You hadn't even seen his hands moving till he softly removed your focus from his wings. When his eyes met yours there was a vulnerable and uncertain look in them.  
"I'm sorry" You whispered, taking his hand away from your jaw reluctant to even let it go. You didn't know the right words to tell him how sorry you were.  
"What are you sorry for?" His voice was a soft growl "I’m the one that had my soulmate right in front of me and I didn't even notice it." He lowered his head staring at your still joined hands "You know I... ahm I always felt drawn to you. But I figured it was because you're my type. Smart, sexy, strong. Always liked that in women."  
"And you still could have that, you know?" You tried for a reassuring smile as he looked up in confusion "The fact that we're soulmates doesn't have to change anything. Look, I’m aware that you could do better and that this is not what you wanted. I'm sorry to even bother you with this. I never meant for you to know."  
"Can you stop apologizing?" Now there was obvious anger in Balthazar's voice "I get it. You didn't ask for this and it's all terrible inconvenient for you. If you don't want it, fine. But will you at least own up to it? Don’t tell me to do better."  
"So what do you want to hear?" You in turn snapped "I can't apologize and I can't tell you you're options? What do you want to hear Balthasar? Your soul mate loves and adores you like some dutiful wife in the 50ies? Fuck you. I'm a god damn hunter and the fact that I can see your stupid wings or that I'm fucking in love with you won't change who I am!" you took a deep breath. You hadn't even noticed when you got up to tower over the small table "And just so you know at least for that I'm not sorry."  
"Neither am I" Suddenly the table simply disappeared into thin air and a pair of lips pressed hungrily against yours. The surprise took your breath away, and all you could do was hang on to your angel with a gasp. No matter how much wanted to pull away, push him away, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Damn you're the one in love how are you supposed to be the strong one?  
The heated kiss grow slower and you became very aware of every place your body touched Balthazar's. There was a hand on your cheek, his thumb stroking smoothing over soft skin. Then there was another one on your hips, holing you there in an almost desperate grip. His body was flush against yours, providing warmth and comfort by just being there. The most prominent connection you shared, your lips, untangled only for his forehead to press against yours.   
"I don't know why you insist on me moving on when you love me" His voice was quiet, hopeful eyes meeting yours "But just so you know I'm not going anywhere."  
"You don't want me…" Your broken words made him growl and both hands came to cup your cheeks and hold you so he could look at you.  
"Is this what this was all about? You think I don't want you?" You nodded while trying to avert your eyes from him but he wouldn't have any of that. "Look at me… I want you. Wanted you all along even before I knew you're my mate. You never showed any sign of being interested, but I didn't care. All I wanted was for you to notice me. And now…. (Y/n), I'm just so happy that for once even fate agrees that the girl I really want is meant to be with me." One of his hands started to rub tender circled on your cheeks again "We don't have to do this. It's your call. But don't tell me it's because I wouldn't want it or I should do better. Because I can't. You're the best I could ever ask for."  
"Balthazar…" You really didn't know what to say. His words had taken your ability to speak away and your knees were like jelly. Was this what being swept of your feet felt like? Right now you couldn't care less. All you could do was lean up and kiss your angel.


End file.
